ladies and gentlemen, it is time to fuck the system. and i am already doing so by saying the word ‘fuck’ [469's lawyers already filing class-action lawsuits: ‘oh boy, he is f****d now…’]

before we starting using one of societies favorite words in a verbal sense, let me tell you what this thing called ‘the system’ actually is all about.

the system. think the matrix but without all those nasty snot-filled bathtubs and a little less green. it is like this huge invisible system holding you back, inventing rules, coming up with barriers and borders. just making it impossible for you to be fully creative and, more important, free.

now that you are warmed up it is time to follow the red rabbit with the horns down his hole and get this show on the road…

so the system is out there. watching your every move. controlling all your actions. and doing so, it uses 4 major lines of defense.

the first line of defense are the zap-midgets; webcam-equipped midgets with a small zap-stick. you: “hey wait, i just had the most amazing idea!” the zap-midget: “ZAP!” afterwards holding up his less obtrusive sign saying: ‘sorry for the inconvenience, the system is currently ignoring your actions’.

the second line of defense is a more subtle one [yes, more subtle than a midget]. we all have this tiny chip implanted into our heads. it’s called the k.a.y. or kappa anomaly y [the tenth anomaly of y, wherein y is the 25th system district where the research department of human control is housed]. what this does is correct any thoughts which might lead to something upsetting the system. the only side-effect and still a known bug is the blinking of your eyes, which occurs every time the chip corrects a thought.

but how are we still able to toy with the system with that chip in our brain? well, k.a.y. is still in beta, still not a 100% fool-proof. enter the third line of defense, a rather ancient one. imprinted into our society from the very beginning, this group can be seen as the people who have fully embraced the system. they are our teachers, our bosses, our managers, everyone that has any power more than us.

appointed and promoted by the system, they are the medium between us and the system. and for all those folks out there without these so-called supervisors, there is always protocol #19.469. which we know it under the name “god”. i still cannot believe people fall for that one…a man in the sky with 10 things he wants you to do engraved on a stone setting bushes on fire? someone telling you to cut out a heart and throw it, still beating, down a gigantic set of stairs? different gods, same branch, still a bunch of nonsense if you ask me.

anyway, if all else fails there is a final option; the master reset. highly doubtful in existence, the whereabouts of this master switch are rumored to exist inside the head of america’s current president. flicking it will result in a cataclysmic system crash killing everyone connected to the system, which coupled with the extermination of studio469 will ultimately result in the extinction of the entire human race. and restarting it about 5 minutes later. i am not sure how many times this has already occurred.

now that you know what you are up against it is time to give the system the good old verbal finger and tell it to put his you-know-what in its you-know-where. here we g…

<hazardous thought encountered - stopping brain activity - activating k.a.y. - erasing thought - inserting correct thoughts - deleting cache and history - resuming brain activity >

uhm, i seem to be unable to recall any of the information i was going to write about. i cannot seem to find out why. there is only one thing i can think of right now:

we need the system. without the system there would not have been any of us. the system takes care of us. the system is good. embrace the system.

strange, i cannot recall thinki…ZAP!

jan van der asdonk is a contributor to studio469 in the shape of his creative spamming, manifesting itself in his somewhat distorted views and theories of the world around him. feedback, topic requests and fan mail are all very welcome at jan@studio469.com

This entry was posted on Wednesday, September 5th, 2007 at 11:59 and is filed under Column. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.